The Vileness
A Very Vivid Vocalization of eVents

The Visit
Elaine Foss has a good friend named Liz.  Or so she thought.  Nobody really thought Liz was capable of doing what she did... but she did, and what she did has been done, and she did it.

Sometime during the week of July 23rd, Elaine embarked on a seemingly innocent visit to sleep over at her Liz's house.  Little did Elaine know that this simple one-night get-together would become the horrible hostage situation it now is -- and worse yet, little did she know her cries for help would fall on dead ears.
 
The Vanishing
"I remember wearing the boxer shorts," Elaine sniffles as she tells her story to me.  "Of course I wore them.  I love those blue and white plaid boxer shorts.  But the next day, I changed into something else, because they were dirty."

That was the last Elaine Foss ever saw of her shorts.

"I got home and I realized I had forgotten them," she said.  "Of course, I immediately called Liz and that's how I found out she'd lost her mind."
  
The Viciousness
What happened to Liz's state of mind?  The world may never know.  What we do know is that Elaine left her shorts in Liz's house, and Liz isn't handing them over.  This went from a simple case of someone forgetting a pair of shorts at a friend's house to a hostage situation in a matter of minutes.

Currently, Liz is holding the shorts in her house.  She won't return them.  But what about law enforcement?
 
The Vain Attempts
"I tried calling the police," Elaine said.  "They just laughed.  They probably wear briefs or no undies at all.  They can't appreciate the relationship I have with my shorts."

Elaine also called the FBI, the CIA, the AFL-CIO, HP, NHS, and the Northern Michigan Quilting Grandmothers Society, all to no avail.  Nobody is taking this seriously -- and some just plain don't believe her.
 
The Webmaster's Obsession with the Letter 'V' on This Site
"I just want my shorts back," Elaine said.  "They mean the world to me.  I'll do anything to get them back."

What Can We Do?
If the cops aren't paying attention to this, how can we help?

We believe that the only way is to collect money to pay a ransom that shall surely be demanded by Liz at any time.  Along the way, some operating costs wouldn't hurt.  Please, help us!