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| (This piece was originally just
goofing off, but resulted from a discussion I had with the editor of
Brutarian Quarterly Magazine about how fundamentalist Christians always
quote Scripture to fit their purpose, and find things to complain about even
when there's nothing there. My beliefs that religion survives because of the
human capacity to create things that aren't really there has always been a
public point I've made. The following piece was something I wrote with the
sole purpose of trying to find something evil and Satanic and
un-Christian in something as simple as that editor's mailing address. Here's
what I came up with (I admit to getting just plain silly with the picture
bit, of course).)
(Originally published November 2000)
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While busy working on the Brutarian
Quarterly Magazine Web site, I happened to notice
something rather peculiar about its editor, Dom
Salemi's, former address for Brutarian. Outwardly, it appears
normal... but that's just the skin of the monster. Beneath hides
something frightening. Check it out: |
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Brutarian
PO Box 25222
Arlington, VA
22202-9222 |
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| Seems relatively normal, right? Look
again. Do you see the amazingly common occurrence of the numeral
"2" in that address? The Post Office box has five digits
-- four of them are the numeral 2. His 9-digit ZIP Code? Seven
of those digits are the numeral 2. That's a grand total of 11 out of
14 digits being the same -- all 2's.
Now, this was amusing in and of itself, but then I got
to thinking about what Dom had once told me about how his ex-wife used to call him not "Dominick"
but "Demonic." Could there be any truth to that? Was
he, after all, demonic? Was
she perhaps more perceptive than anyone gives her credit for?
The Epiphany
So then I realized it... amongst all those
eleven 2's, there were three trios of 2's... a 222 in his PO Box... a 222
in the first part of his ZIP Code... and a 222 ending his ZIP+4. Not
only do we have "222" occurring, which would indicate that
perhaps Mr. Salemi is at least one-third demonic, seeing as 222 is one
third of 666 -- the Number of the Beast -- but we have three occurrences
of these trios.
222 + 222 + 222 = 666. No kidding!
Not only that, but the 222 bit is a complex,
two-dimensional mathematical
palindrome--it adds up vertically and horizontally... check it out:
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6 |
6 |
6 |
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6 |
2 |
2 |
2 |
6 |
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6 |
2 |
2 |
2 |
6 |
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6 |
2 |
2 |
2 |
6 |
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6 |
6 |
6 |
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When you stack those three trios of 2's, you get a 3x3
field of numeral 2's. Add them up, down, left, or right, and you end
up with 666. What's more, if you multiply 222 x 222 x 222, you come
up with... 10,941,048. Which means nothing so far as I can see; I just
thought you'd like to know.
But try adding up all four results of 666, and what do
you get? 2664. Two 6's in the middle... and if you add the
leftover 2 and 4 together, you get a third 6... 666... can you believe
this?
Further Astounding Stuff
But what about the dual leftover 2's (there were
11, we only used 9)? And the other leftover numerals from the
address and ZIP Code -- 509. So, we are left with 22509--and we can ditch
the zero since it represents nothing. Now, with our number, 2259, check
out this frighteningly simple 4-step process as I further
demonstrate how he is obviously an evil devil:
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BURNING IN HELL
(SOME MORE) WITH DOM
Beginning with 2259...
- Add the two 2's together
to make 4.
- Borrow 1 from
the 9,
and add it to the 5.
- Borrow 2
from the 8, and add it to the 4.
- The number is
now... 666.
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Can you believe that?!
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His True Visage Uncovered
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Click on the picture to see
the true face of Dom Salemi! |
So
this was worrying me pretty badly. I wondered if there were any way
to see through evil magic and false auras which lied to us, so I hauled
out the picture you see to the left -- one I always thought looked a little
demonic, at any rate. You might think it's just a picture... but
it's not. It's just a magical mask he wears, a phantasm to shield
his True Form from the world.
But don't take my word for it. I've processed that
image through a lot of heavy-duty high-tech equipment around here, and
I've managed to break through the facade to see his real demeanor.
Go ahead... click on the leering face of Dom and you'll see what I'm
talking about.
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At the Signpost Up Ahead... Your
Next Stop...
The scary sh!t just goes on and on... I'll leave
you to think about this startling information for a while, but remember
that in light of these amazing facts, it seems very possible -- likely,
even -- that whenever you send mail to Demonic Slimey, it's going straight
to Hell! This is truly an address in the dark reaches of the
Twilight Zone!
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New Address
In April 2001, Dom Salemi packed up and left
Virginia for Maryland. Thus, the address of his magazine changed.
My first thought was: he's curing his demonic ways. But then I saw
his new address: |
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Brutarian
PO Box 210
Accokeek, MD
20607 |
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Look at it closely:
- The box number is 210.
The ZIP code is 20607.
- Drop all the zeroes and put them in numerical
order. You have 12267.
- Add the first three digits together and you now have
567.
- Borrow 1 from the 7 and move it to the 5.
- What do you have? 666 -- of course.
Salemi's just backsliding!
Never mind the town he's moved to: Accokeek.
Three pairs of letters -- "cc," "kk," and "ee,"
with "a" and "o" left over.
- "cc" = c is the third letter of the
alphabet. Add them together: 3 + 3 = 6
- "kk" = k is the eleventh letter of the
alphabet
- "ee" = e is the fifth letter of the
alphabet
- 11 - 5 = 6. Do that twice (two
each of the eleventh and fifth letters)
- Final number: 666
- But what about the "a" and the
"o" left over, you say? A and O... the Alpha and the
Omega. Salemi thinks he's God... perhaps he is, indeed, the
Antichrist!
Last Name
Never mind the obvious fact which sailed right
past me earlier. Look at his last name! "Salemi."
Italian, he says. Sicilian. How about a bastardized form of
Salem, Massachusetts -- home of the Salem witch trials? DEMONIC, I
say... DEMONIC! |
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